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A Life Taken

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            It was any normal Saturday evening that was supposed to be filled with fun but instead it was filled with despair. There was buzzing of the phone, my Dad reached for his phone answered the call and then the shock on his face said it all. He quickly grabbed my arm without saying a word and told me to get in the car, there was an emergency. As we walked into the sterile white halls, filled with gloom, I saw a familiar face now the shade of red from crying. My Grandma appeared and told us that my Grandpa had fallen in the mall bathroom and was found unconscious and was currently in a coma. The Doctor told us when he had fallen he unplugged his heart pump and in a result from that he had no oxygen flowing to his brain for 18 minutes. The truth is you never know when the last time is that you will see a loved one, sadly for me I wish I could have known.

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            As I walked into the ICU room I barely recognized the person laying on the bed in front of me with a rubber tube shoved down their throat. His forehead swollen and bruised from the hard-cold tile in the mall bathroom. I reached for my Grandpa’s hand and squeezed almost instantly my eyes filled with tears because I didn’t feel a squeeze back it was as if he was already gone. My Uncle who stood behind me grabbed my shoulder to try and comfort me in any way, it didn’t work. The nurse immediately spoke up when she saw my eyes “Everything will be okay all we know right now is that he’s in a coma until further testing.” This gave me some sort of hope that possibly the test results would come out okay. Surrounded by glum family members in the waiting room making jokes that my Grandpa will be “pissed” when he wakes up and realizes they cut open his favorite jacket. I began to think about what life would be like if he was gone, no more eskimo kisses, funny childhood stories or terrible banjo playing. It was a reality I did not want to live through so for the first time in my life I prayed that everything would be okay.

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            The next morning the Doctor approached us with the news from the tests done. I’ll never forget the words the doctor said, “I regret to tell you this but he is in a vegetative state and if he were to ever get out of that state he would have no idea who any of you are and would have to learn everything over again.” Shock was sent through every family members faces trying to comprehend the words spoken. My Dad who stood in front of me turned away from the Doctor and began to sob uncontrollably, this was the first time I had ever seen my Dad cry in the 14 years of my life. My Grandpa had told my Grandma years before this that if anything like this were to happen he wouldn’t want to live in this state and would want her to pull the plug on him. My Grandma told us that even though it would be an extremely tough thing to do she knew it’s what he would want to happen. The thought of pulling the plug and him being gone from this world was hard to cope with but if that’s what he wanted for his life that’s what would have to happen. We as a family agreed to pull the plug and this is when I realized my prayer was left unfulfilled and the reality I didn’t want to live was going to happen.

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            We sat in “The relatives room” crowded with family members and couches. The Pastor walked into the room and said that we were making a brave decision that takes a lot of strength. He talked to each family member but sadly I don’t think it helped anyone, the pain of knowing you are about to lose a family member is unbearable. Back and forth family members cried and looked towards the Pastor for reassurance in any way. The Doctor came in and told us it was time to unplug the machine and anyone who wanted to be in the room needed to come now. I had already made up my mind before that I wasn’t strong enough to be in the room. My Dad got up to go into the room and kissed me on the head and said everything was going to be okay. After everyone walked out of the room I decided I needed to be in the room with them to be there for my Grandpa. My Mom explained to me before I went in that this was an experience I would never be able to forget so I needed to be strong for it. I mostly wanted to be in the room to see if moments before we pulled the plug he would magically wake up and be okay like some sort of miracle. I walked in the room and my aunt hugged me and told me I needed to touch my Grandpa’s hand before his soul left his body. I held his hand and was again discouraged by not feeling a squeeze back, that’s when it became real to me he was already gone and this was the last I would see of him. My cousin cradled under my arm as the Doctor pulled the plug and we all saw the last breath he would ever take.

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            A family changed forever, a life taken, a person that can never be replaced or brought back to us. In a matter of seconds a life can be taken from you. I wish I could go back in time and tell my Grandpa the last time I saw him that I loved him and how much he meant to me. The last time I saw him alive I was rushing out of my Grandparent’s house to hang out with a friend and I have no idea if I even hugged him goodbye. This has filled me with so much regret and anger towards myself and death itself. After his death, I suffered myself with anxiety and depression, even today I still suffer this.  Sadly, I will never be given that opportunity and this gives me a new outlook on friends and family members. Even though it seems cliché you never really know when the last time you will see someone will be. Now I always make sure to tell someone who I love that I love them when I say goodbye because you never know when it could be your last moment with them.

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